Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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