i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
