i just had sex bonerless
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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