I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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