I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
