I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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