Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
