she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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