ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
