i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
