This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
