I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
no you cant smoke seaweed
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
