why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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