I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
we made out on top of his cat.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize