why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
