thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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