Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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