Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
