She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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