Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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