Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
