Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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