I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
