I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
