She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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