i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
