I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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