it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
