Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
