10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
