my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm really busy with my period
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