we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Actions speak louder than pants.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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