i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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