I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
