Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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