I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize