i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize