omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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