Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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