He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
