oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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