I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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