Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
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he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
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Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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