Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
