I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
smell my finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Panties = found
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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