ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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