1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Randomize
