dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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