So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
