and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
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I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
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You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
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