I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
