I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
