Your face is a jimmy john
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
