At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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