Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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