weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
