apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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