What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
