Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
