How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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