a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
