I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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