Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
