oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
