I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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