But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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