Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
