do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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