he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
