I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
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