the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
