I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
