when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize