Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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