I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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