Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
where are you?
Hypothermia
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
