Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
