We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
