Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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