i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
